Along For The Ride
Whenever I make a decision that results in a dynamic change, like deciding to move to Seattle or walking away from something I know is bad for me, I feel like I can do anything. Those decisions are the difference between this life and that life. When I execute such life changing events, I’m briefly convinced I have total control over my life, and even though I know that’s not true I delight in the fact that I so confidently and boldly took those steps forward.
That uncertainty and fear that grips us, that thing we call the Unknown, used to look like a big black wall in front of me. I wanted so badly to know what was ahead and tried time and time again to paint that wall with exactly what I thought should be on it. I could clearly see where and who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing. I was never the type to have my entire life mapped out and could only see flashes of what I wanted for a future, but those flashes were vivid and bright.
Nowadays the flashes aren’t quite as bright or frequent, and I find myself less and less convinced that I know better. I still have dreams, and they still grip me like almost nothing else can, but I know my road to success is going to be filled with more twists and turns I couldn’t possibly imagine. I read about successful people, taking in the heartbreaking stories of their own lives, realizing they had their own hurdles to jump and that it was more than perseverance that got them where they are. It’s talent, perseverance, relationships and at least a little bit of luck (or maybe a lot).
My personal journey recently hit a roadblock made of dead hardware and software, but perhaps it’s not totally horrific after all. Being forced away from constant music-making has allowed music to build up inside me, ready to burst at any moment, and I can feel how much is going to pour out when I get the chance to produce my work again. It’s an itch I’m waiting patiently to scratch.
I’ve also realized how much my life isn’t defined by my music. I know; it’s pretty unreal, right? It’s a huge part of me and I have to admit I’m extraordinarily happy when I’m deep in the creation of melodies, but there is so much more in life that means something.
I know thinking so far into the future and imagining my life twenty years down the road is pointless, because as much as I try to steer my path and make those big decisions that should direct the rest of my life flawlessly, there are so many variables and possibilities hidden behind the big picture. But with such big dreams and ideas, I continue to strive for what I want. I can’t help it: I can’t let go of the hope. I see the Unknown as a big wall of bright white instead of black now, and I dive into it, knowing I don’t hold the paintbrush and the world around me will be created by something beyond my control. I’m just living in it. The big decisions I make cause big changes, but the events that result from the big decision are what truly define our lives. For the most part, we’re just along for the ride.
That uncertainty and fear that grips us, that thing we call the Unknown, used to look like a big black wall in front of me. I wanted so badly to know what was ahead and tried time and time again to paint that wall with exactly what I thought should be on it. I could clearly see where and who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing. I was never the type to have my entire life mapped out and could only see flashes of what I wanted for a future, but those flashes were vivid and bright.
Nowadays the flashes aren’t quite as bright or frequent, and I find myself less and less convinced that I know better. I still have dreams, and they still grip me like almost nothing else can, but I know my road to success is going to be filled with more twists and turns I couldn’t possibly imagine. I read about successful people, taking in the heartbreaking stories of their own lives, realizing they had their own hurdles to jump and that it was more than perseverance that got them where they are. It’s talent, perseverance, relationships and at least a little bit of luck (or maybe a lot).
My personal journey recently hit a roadblock made of dead hardware and software, but perhaps it’s not totally horrific after all. Being forced away from constant music-making has allowed music to build up inside me, ready to burst at any moment, and I can feel how much is going to pour out when I get the chance to produce my work again. It’s an itch I’m waiting patiently to scratch.
I’ve also realized how much my life isn’t defined by my music. I know; it’s pretty unreal, right? It’s a huge part of me and I have to admit I’m extraordinarily happy when I’m deep in the creation of melodies, but there is so much more in life that means something.
I know thinking so far into the future and imagining my life twenty years down the road is pointless, because as much as I try to steer my path and make those big decisions that should direct the rest of my life flawlessly, there are so many variables and possibilities hidden behind the big picture. But with such big dreams and ideas, I continue to strive for what I want. I can’t help it: I can’t let go of the hope. I see the Unknown as a big wall of bright white instead of black now, and I dive into it, knowing I don’t hold the paintbrush and the world around me will be created by something beyond my control. I’m just living in it. The big decisions I make cause big changes, but the events that result from the big decision are what truly define our lives. For the most part, we’re just along for the ride.
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