Take a Breath: The Beauty of Slowing Down

For my entire life, I've been all go, all the time. I never liked sitting still. I'd rather be moving, active, doing. Even when I have to sit still, my mind is bouncing off the walls. It never quits. I have to try really hard to focus. I walk fast, like I'm on a mission. It's never been confirmed, but I'm almost certain I have ADD.

Even now, I'd rather be moving than doing nothing. But recently, I've discovered the beauty in taking a breather. Maybe it's getting older. Maybe it's going through a really bad disease flare that makes you realize how precious your body is. Maybe it's learning to take it in. Whatever it is, there's a lot of benefit from a little peace and quiet. 

Since I started recovering from that flare a few months ago, everyone including doctors, family, friends, and even perfect strangers who know a thing or two about taking care of yourself are all telling me the same thing: slow down. Be good to yourself. Don't rush. Relax once in a while. Take it easy. 

Enthusiastic me; all go, no quit, always.

Don't they know who they're talking to?! That's all I could think, over and over again. I don't want to slow down! I want to keep running, faster, harder, longer. I want to work on music immediately after I get home from work, into the wee morning hours, forgetting to eat or drink anything. I want to go everywhere and see everything and chase storms and air drum and go, go, go. 

It's funny how your body warns you. For several months, my blood pressure was higher than it should have been. This was probably a side effect of those wonderful steroids I had to take. I was on such a high dosage for so long, my pressure was consistently high every time I went in for an appointment. Nurses would check twice to make sure, telling me to close my eyes and relax. And I was worried. Historically, my BP was usually on the low end. Cue the panic; what is happening?! 

Then suddenly, it went back to normal. I swear, I could almost feel it. The other day, I sat at my desk, and I felt a little tired. But more than that, I felt... relaxed. At ease. Less tense and more go-with-the-flow. It almost felt like a grip was loosened. And then, at my infusion later that day, it suddenly made sense. They took my BP three times, like always. And every time, it was about 115 over 65. Yes; small victories.

I took my time the day after my infusion and everything seemed so much easier. It was surprising. Maybe there really is something to this whole 'slow down' thing? Maybe you really can't do it all (all the time)? It's tough, when your mind feels infinite, but your body says, "umm, no." 

So I'm actively making an effort to breathe a little more, and to breathe slower. I'm trying to remember to close my eyes and count backwards from ten when something crazy happens (hey, it works). I'm trying really hard to remember those words that are so spiritually prominent; "be still." I think I've finally discovered the reason I think of those words so often (thank you, God). Sometimes, you just gotta stop.

I love life. I love taking things in and seeing things and enjoying things. I savor sunsets and food, and I appreciate the people in my life. So really, taking it slow just means one thing: I get to enjoy all of this even more. And maybe my body will last a little longer too. Seriously; just breathe.