Being Present
In the past, I used to live in the future. Constantly, every day, I’d anticipate what may come, and calculated my response. If I approached a situation one way, what would be the outcome? What if things went another way? How would I react? Would I be okay? Could I maintain control and poise and diplomacy? I spent so much time anticipating the future, I forgot to focus on the present. No: I neglected the present. Childhood, teens, young adulthood; I can’t remember a time I when I wasn’t rehearsing my entire day before it happened. No ifs, ands or buts: My personal presentation had to be perfect, no matter what happened. In the pursuit of unreachable perfection and ensuring a flawless reputation, I boxed myself in.
It wasn’t until I was well into my 20's that I finally realized the emotional and physical fallout of my constant nervous anticipation. Not only was I hindering my contentment and success, I was putting unnecessary stress on my body and my mind. How can you imagine every possible outcome and prepare ahead of time? You can’t! It makes no sense! But being the illogical and emotionally-driven enigma I’ve always been, my thoughts (and sometimes, actions) seldom make sense.
There was no defining moment that made me realize I was wasting so much time and energy on thoughts and irrational fears. But after my diagnosis of ulcerative colitis in 2013, I thought long and hard about my obsession with the future. If there was one thing I definitely didn’t need in my life, one thing that would only irritate my disease, it was stress.
My biggest fear has always been failure. Not necessarily because others may be disappointed, or because I might let someone down. My entire self-worth hinged on my ability to complete even simple daily tasks in perfect form. And for what? Why was I so intent on avoiding bumps in the road? Who in the world was I trying to impress?
There is beauty in imperfection and growth in honest mistakes. There is opportunity for memorable, compassionate, introspective moments. We live and thrive in the present. The past can’t be changed, and the future doesn’t exist yet. The present is right now, and it’s a gift. There is so much to see, to do, to be, in the moment. Life is much more than just imaginary futures or photos on a phone. We contribute unceasingly, simply by existing in our world, every single day. We’re more than a body made of flesh and bones: We have thoughts, emotions, souls, and a unique energy to share. We are the only ones to exist in this moment, ever. Be in the moment, embrace yourself and another. Give thanks for this life and this opportunity you’ve been given.
And don’t worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will be anxious for itself. (Matthew 6:34)
It wasn’t until I was well into my 20's that I finally realized the emotional and physical fallout of my constant nervous anticipation. Not only was I hindering my contentment and success, I was putting unnecessary stress on my body and my mind. How can you imagine every possible outcome and prepare ahead of time? You can’t! It makes no sense! But being the illogical and emotionally-driven enigma I’ve always been, my thoughts (and sometimes, actions) seldom make sense.
There was no defining moment that made me realize I was wasting so much time and energy on thoughts and irrational fears. But after my diagnosis of ulcerative colitis in 2013, I thought long and hard about my obsession with the future. If there was one thing I definitely didn’t need in my life, one thing that would only irritate my disease, it was stress.
My biggest fear has always been failure. Not necessarily because others may be disappointed, or because I might let someone down. My entire self-worth hinged on my ability to complete even simple daily tasks in perfect form. And for what? Why was I so intent on avoiding bumps in the road? Who in the world was I trying to impress?
There is beauty in imperfection and growth in honest mistakes. There is opportunity for memorable, compassionate, introspective moments. We live and thrive in the present. The past can’t be changed, and the future doesn’t exist yet. The present is right now, and it’s a gift. There is so much to see, to do, to be, in the moment. Life is much more than just imaginary futures or photos on a phone. We contribute unceasingly, simply by existing in our world, every single day. We’re more than a body made of flesh and bones: We have thoughts, emotions, souls, and a unique energy to share. We are the only ones to exist in this moment, ever. Be in the moment, embrace yourself and another. Give thanks for this life and this opportunity you’ve been given.
And don’t worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will be anxious for itself. (Matthew 6:34)
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