Reluctant/Necessary Change
I’ve written about change before, how constant it is, how necessary it
is, and how it can be a good thing. This time, I’m cringing as I
write. When you realize a change in how you live everyday is
necessary, it has a tendency to stress you out. I love writing about my likes and loves, music and things that inspire. But writing about something of this nature is new to me.
To give you a little background on the matter, for months now I’ve been fighting a dull but increasing pain in my throat, accompanied by vocal fatigue and a drop in vocal range. I imagined it was a result of laryngitis or some other illness that just didn’t want to let go, but all other symptoms of a cold or virus stopped and I was left with a voice that couldn’t work at full capacity.
You can imagine my frustration with this. Being a singer, I was going crazy trying to figure this out. I finally went to an ENT doctor, and discovered the source of the problem. It turns out there is (or was, recently) micro hemorrhaging on one of my vocal cords, and some slight swelling. With this realization came relief at first: At least it wasn’t all in my head, and the issues are benign. Immediately following was a feeling of dread. Without surgery, how can I fix this, and how long will it take?
Most likely, years of overusing my voice (enthusiastic shouting, laughing, screaming, singing, etc) has been the culprit. I’ve been my own worst enemy. In short, I need to change my vocal habits, and that means I have to constantly be thinking about how I talk, and especially how I sing. I love to talk, and I don’t have a soft voice. This is going to be one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever had. Music is in my veins, and not singing when I'm listening to songs I love is not something I can easily do.
I've chosen to be optimistic, to look at this as an opportunity to improve and learn something in the process. I will not let this beat me. If it takes six months to get back to full voice, so be it, and so help me, I will sound better than ever. In the meantime, I’m picking at the instrumental arrangements of my songs, and keeping busy. This is just the beginning of something that will be great with a bump in the road. Maybe that bump will ultimately launch me higher than I’ve been before. Patience will be my best friend for a while.
To give you a little background on the matter, for months now I’ve been fighting a dull but increasing pain in my throat, accompanied by vocal fatigue and a drop in vocal range. I imagined it was a result of laryngitis or some other illness that just didn’t want to let go, but all other symptoms of a cold or virus stopped and I was left with a voice that couldn’t work at full capacity.
You can imagine my frustration with this. Being a singer, I was going crazy trying to figure this out. I finally went to an ENT doctor, and discovered the source of the problem. It turns out there is (or was, recently) micro hemorrhaging on one of my vocal cords, and some slight swelling. With this realization came relief at first: At least it wasn’t all in my head, and the issues are benign. Immediately following was a feeling of dread. Without surgery, how can I fix this, and how long will it take?
Most likely, years of overusing my voice (enthusiastic shouting, laughing, screaming, singing, etc) has been the culprit. I’ve been my own worst enemy. In short, I need to change my vocal habits, and that means I have to constantly be thinking about how I talk, and especially how I sing. I love to talk, and I don’t have a soft voice. This is going to be one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever had. Music is in my veins, and not singing when I'm listening to songs I love is not something I can easily do.
I've chosen to be optimistic, to look at this as an opportunity to improve and learn something in the process. I will not let this beat me. If it takes six months to get back to full voice, so be it, and so help me, I will sound better than ever. In the meantime, I’m picking at the instrumental arrangements of my songs, and keeping busy. This is just the beginning of something that will be great with a bump in the road. Maybe that bump will ultimately launch me higher than I’ve been before. Patience will be my best friend for a while.
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