Elusive Change
It's interesting how we pursue change, on almost a daily basis, but in some cases, we can never catch it. We change our clothes, our hair, and many other things about our physical appearance, and while those things inevitably alter our insides to a certain degree, we always retain the basics that make up our unique essence.
When I think about the girl I used to be, when I look at photos with the giddy grin and listen to old tapes with hearty laughter, I sometimes feel a disconnect between that girl and the woman I see in the mirror nowadays. But there are times I look back, and I still feel that same spirit inside my head and my heart. The same dreamy thoughts are there, bouncing around and keeping me from focusing entirely on the task at hand. I still feel insecure sometimes, and unsure about my direction.
Those are the things that define you. The things that run so deep inside your veins make up the person that you're meant to be. No matter how you change your physical appearance or your world around you, what makes you tick probably isn't going to change much. Sure, you can apply yourself if there's something you want to change, but it takes time and a whole lot of (sometimes painful) effort. And the quirks will remain.
I have to remind myself of these things often, because those voices in my head will tell me I'd be so much happier over there instead of here. Even if this is remotely true, the effect is temporary. When I get a drastic haircut, I feel fresher, lighter, sexier, and more powerful. The confidence goes through the roof. But after a couple weeks, I'm bored again, and I'm back to my same old self. Changing yourself requires a lot more than changing your appearance. If I hadn't learned that, I'd probably be bald.
Sometimes the easiest way to change yourself is to stop trying, and focus on things outside your own little world. It's easy to forget how big the world is, how dynamic it is, the crazy and sometimes awful things happening in the world. And sometimes if you go outside, step into a place and apply yourself for the good of someone or something else, you might be surprised what it does to you, and how it can pluck those deepest strings that make you you.
When I think about the girl I used to be, when I look at photos with the giddy grin and listen to old tapes with hearty laughter, I sometimes feel a disconnect between that girl and the woman I see in the mirror nowadays. But there are times I look back, and I still feel that same spirit inside my head and my heart. The same dreamy thoughts are there, bouncing around and keeping me from focusing entirely on the task at hand. I still feel insecure sometimes, and unsure about my direction.
Those are the things that define you. The things that run so deep inside your veins make up the person that you're meant to be. No matter how you change your physical appearance or your world around you, what makes you tick probably isn't going to change much. Sure, you can apply yourself if there's something you want to change, but it takes time and a whole lot of (sometimes painful) effort. And the quirks will remain.
I have to remind myself of these things often, because those voices in my head will tell me I'd be so much happier over there instead of here. Even if this is remotely true, the effect is temporary. When I get a drastic haircut, I feel fresher, lighter, sexier, and more powerful. The confidence goes through the roof. But after a couple weeks, I'm bored again, and I'm back to my same old self. Changing yourself requires a lot more than changing your appearance. If I hadn't learned that, I'd probably be bald.
Sometimes the easiest way to change yourself is to stop trying, and focus on things outside your own little world. It's easy to forget how big the world is, how dynamic it is, the crazy and sometimes awful things happening in the world. And sometimes if you go outside, step into a place and apply yourself for the good of someone or something else, you might be surprised what it does to you, and how it can pluck those deepest strings that make you you.
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